CW: Reports of suicide attempt, depression, and substance abuse.
I was wondering whether or not to write this post because it’s personal and painful. However, after being woken up by my son who was having trouble sleeping, I found myself awake at 4am, thinking about how to get started.
This story is about a friend of mine, whom I will refer to as April for privacy reasons.
Approximately 15 to 20 years ago, during our teenage years, April became involved with a white powder that is still much popular among the upper middle class. I will try not discuss her health problem here. Instead, I will reflect on a nuance that I only had the opportunity to consider many years later.
Nowadays, we talk more openly about depression and anxiety disorders. However, this was not always the case. Older generations, such as those from Generation Y or X and earlier, tended to ignore or view these issues as a sign of weakness. As a result, people from Generation Z or Alpha are often associated with being highly sensitive and having low resilience. I don’t believe that there is a right or wrong. We should not analyze contemporary issues from the perspective of a previous era. It is also a mistake to deal with past issues from the perspective of the current decade.
April always was a fun and adventurous person. Like many of us, she has encountered some peer pressure to engage in risky behaviors. She may have developed this trait due to being raised by a single mother who struggled to provide for her beyond basic necessities.
When April met her first love, a guy one or two years older than her, she would be presented to what would become her companion through great joys and deepest sorrows. And I’m not talking about him.
She sought help in many ways, but at the time her relationship with her mother was strained because of April’s boyfriend. Feeling hopeless, she left home. She went through a lot to support her addiction, and depression took hold of her heart.
As I mentioned earlier, older people may view issues like April’s as a sign of weakness. I wonder where she found the strength to get out of this difficult situation.
The climax was the moment she went missing for two weeks. She and her boyfriend were found next to a highway guardrail at least 50 miles from home, and were subsequently hospitalized. Since then, there has been no word from her old boyfriend, but April is now a fantastic mother and wife. I think of every battle she has fought, and perhaps continues to fight, but her efforts are rewarded, as she likes to say.
April’s favorite song was Hold on by Good Charlotte.
This is an excerpt from the song:
"This world, this world is cold
But you don't, you don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely
And no one seems to care
Your mother's gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bear
But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through
Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know
Your days, you say they're way too long
And your nights, you can't sleep at all
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for
But you don't want to know more
You're not sure what you're looking for
But you don't want to know more
But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through
Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on
[...]"
We often fail to pay attention to many things. I didn’t speak or understand much English at the time, so this song was just like any other. Although, in my reflections today, I believe that song served a purpose: it was a disguised request for help.
Although pain often prevents us from being precise or explicit, we always give signals when something is wrong.
Depression is a tricky illness, incomprehensible up to a certain point. As a depressive person in eternal treatment, I know it is one of the worst illnesses you can carry. Its cause, development, and treatment are still being studied, and it has the power to cause as much pain as any other illness you can name.
Well, if you’ve made it this far, let’s make a difference today by asking someone you care about if they’re okay.
Feeling loved is essential.